Have you ever felt beaten by the world, by a day or by life? How about feeling beaten down to the ground by your own mind, unable to regain calmness or climb of the canvas due to its will on self destruction? Have you ever felt betrayed by a mind you call your own, a mind that seems persitant in its life mission of destroying the sanity most take for granted? Well you my friend could very well be a:
MENTAL HEALTH WARRIOR HELL BENT ON SURVIVAL
Some days are good, some days are bad, but every day I set foot onto a battlefied of a war that never ends, a war with no winner, no looser, a timeless war of invisible injuries that beats you to the ground. Yet although I may never win the war, I always win the battle. Mental health can be daunting even to the best of mankind, but we will all suffer from it in one way or another throughout our lifetime. I myself have suffered from mental health problems for nearly all of my life, for a long time I had no idea what it was, decades passed before I realised what I suffered from. In my early to mid 20’s, after spending a week thinking I was dieing, thinking there was something seriously wrong with me, a week of lying in on the floor in pain was enough for me and I set about diagnosing myself, I came across an article that explained the symtoms of certain mental health problems, and just like that the pain was gone but would soon return with avengence.
I have suffered over the years from things I had no idea what they were, to me it always felt like the end, it felt like the universe was punishing me for mistakes I had made.
One of the first panic attakcs I can remember lasted almost a week, I had no idea what it was, I just remember feeling like I was dieing, I remember feeling that if I moved an inch from my fetal position on the floor that I would die, It sounds weird to think about now, but in the grips of a panic attack anything lurk dark and painful feelings, strong emotions and a brain that can cause physical pain. Throughout the years I have managed to identify triggers for these and have become alot more aware of the start of panic attacks and I have my own way of dealing with them, just like many other suffers of panic attacks will have.
POST TRAUMATIC STRESS SYNDROME
As every youngester does, I made mistakes, mistakes I wish I could fix, but mistakes I cant, this mistakes cause me to have flash backs, anxiety, panic attacks and more. My PTSS is not the reason for my mental health problems but it is a significant factor in many of them. Through time, physical exercise and talking about it I have managed to calm to PTSS to the point of reasoning with it, I dont antagonise him and he doesnt try to destroy me although from time to time he rears his ugly head which causes the warrior in me to be battle him with all of my might, I never win the war but I always win the battle.
Anxiety is the worst of all for me, it is something I have lived with since before I can remember yet didnt understand until maturity. It is a daily struggle I live with and very hard to explain. If you feel beaten and broken beyond repair, believe me you are not, I have been there at the end of that rope, dangling by that thread, holding on with the last of my effort. I am sure I will never reach the top of the rope for there is no end to it, all I can do is keep climbing.
I suffer from many types of anxiety, social anxiety, food anxiety, health anxiety and more, If you met me, you might fight it hard to believe me when I tell you what I suffer from, but as many of you know, its not something you express, its something inside, something you hide, something you battle within.
My food and health anxiety have brought me to the point where I no longer eat gluten, wheat or dairy. The difference just cutting these out of my food intake has made to me is considerably visible to even the blindest of people. I am able to win the battle quicker and keep it at bay for much longer.
WHAT IS A MENTAL HEALTH WARRIOR
A mental health warrior is someone who battles mental health, whether you have a little bit of anxiety or you deal with multpile mental health issues, if you strive to move forward, if you battle, if you get up every day, even if you just open your eyes every morning, you my friend are a “Mental Health Warrior” who battles demons, demons others couldnt imagine, demons so powerful that it makes you a warrior to be feared not judged. For those who battle nothing are far weaker that those who battle everything. Although you may never win the war, remember