For some reason I used to do this thing, I call it the “4.00pm Madness” thing, There used to be a reason for me doing this thing, and I knew what that reason was, but in recent times, although the reason has faded, I still find myself doing this thing, although now it’s scarcer. I would explain to you right now what that thing is, but without a back story the thing doesn’t show the madness of it. So having said that here goes with my attempt at the back story:
17 Years old, sat in the front room of my best friends house. She walked in, not to see me, if I am brutally honest she barely even noticed me. I noticed her though, the stonewash light blue boot cut jeans she had on, the puffy jacket that forgot it was supposed to cover her belly button, the jet black hair flowing below her shoulders, the confidence of a girl who was young and just wanted to have fun.
Fast forward two years, after attempting many times for her to notice me the way i noticed her, I gave up, I moved on, I found myself a someone and I was happy, little did I know the person I had found was her friend, two years of trying and what made her notice me was her friend falling for me. I did try with all my might to forget her, but the powers of the universe seemed to have other ideas and she kept popping up in my social circles which was strange to say the least, if that was not enough she started working just 30 meters away from me.
3 years have now passed, after being madly in love, living together, fighting, failing, falling, leaving, I was now a mess, hitting the lowest of the low, clawing to pull myself from the bottom of a barrel, fighting to control my anxieties, insecurities and ptsd. Many years passed yet we never lost touch, our lives intertwined in a strange madness.
10 years later, we still work 30 meters away from each other, although I know we would never be again, that love that was so passionate yet so destructive was buried long ago, yet out of some sort of twisted sense of loyalty we still seem to be there for each other when needs must and that thing, that thing I mentioned earlier, that is the strangest thing of all for me, for, through no pre-conceived thought, on random days, I find myself stood in the front office of my work, no customers in sight, no reason for me to be there except that it is 4.00pm, at this time I find myself staring through the doors, across an empty, gloomy carpark and into a window, where, every once in a while I catch a glimpse of the girl I once loved, as shes passes by the window tidying up after her hectic work day. Although this is now very uncommon in my daily routine, sometimes, I still find myself looking across the bridge of two windows into the past at 4.00pm madness.